My Reflection (from 2009)

My Reflection (Lengthy)

By David Anthony Kirlew

              As a sit here in the dark at 6:32 a.m. I see the faint glimmer of the sun rising. The beautiful sun, the bright star that shines upon us every single day, I can’t help but reflect back on my life. I guess this reflection stems from the fact that I graduated from the University of Central Florida less than a week ago. My life flashes before my eyes. How on earth could a doctor at my birth dare to say I would not be able to walk for the rest of my life. That life confined to a wheelchair forever because of Cerebral Palsy. I couldn’t dare think of such a thing. What a child begin walking late in development, but walking on his tippy toes. How could a young 4-year old child that should be running around, enjoying life, be crawling around on the floor from a recent surgery on both legs and his right. This young child continues to grow up but must take Tegretol, a medication that helped the effects of seizures from epileptic behavior linked to Cerebral Palsy. How could this child suffer from celbral palsy, surgery, and epilepsy?

              Luckily for this child there is a faint glimmer of hope. This child had parents. Parents who prayed before God on their knees for 4 years. The glimmer of hope came after the the surgery at age 4. After recovering this child was better able to be a kid. A kid that was able to walk, run, jump, skip. From age 4 this kid still had to take Tegretol to help the seizures. But another miracle was in store for this kid. After years and years of being on Tegretol, this kid got his miracle at age 12 doctors declared that I was not susceptible to seizures any longer. What A MIRACLE! Through it all this kid managed to take up karate and horse back riding, through the difficulties, through the pain and agony.

              For the next several years after being taken off Tegretol this kid grew and enjoyed life abundantly. During his final year in high school, one of his favorites teachers asked David if he wanted to join the track team. Thrilled at the opportunity David kindly denied because was assisting the soccer and basketball teams. Track would have been lovely but it would have consumed all his time and he had committed himself to assisting the teams. College came and he was thrilled, had a job going to college, a passion for people and media. What more could David ask for?

              More Problems that is what occurred. 2005 was by far the most difficult year for collegiate. At the end of high school I started experiencing pain in his right foot. Over time strength in his right foot deteriorated. In 2003, at the suggestion of my parents, I saw a doctor specializing problems such as mine. Dr Champman recommended surgery. Succomb with fear I backed out of the surgery only to suffer more pain. By 2005 I was only able to walk for 30 minutes without having to sit and rest. No malls, theme parks or museums for me. January 2005 out of desparation I asked my parents if I could go through with the surgery. They agreed with little hestiation except for questioning if I really wanted to go through with a major recostructive surgery like they would.

              Before I continue my story, I must say that this surgery was MAJOR. Prior to the surgery my right foot stuck out the right at a near 90 degree angle. And I walked with my right foot sticking out like that. For the most part I never even complained about how I walked I was so grateful that I DID walk.

              In April 2005, I went in for the sugery. Confined to a wheelchair for three months was uber difficult for me to handle.  The first few days of being the wheelchair were fun, but after sitting in it for days and days on end it because rather jarring. Pain developed just sitting in the chair for extended periods of time. Having to hop from the chair to the couch or chair was uncomfortable for me. What was particularly difficult though was having hop up a flight of steps to the second floor bedroom. During all of this I had to be extremely careful not to hit my heel where a screw held my ankle in place. If I hit my heel I’d receive bone jarring pain shooting up my leg.

              After three months in the “chair” I given a hard cast that I used to walk around and gain walking functionality back into my leg. This I enjoyed as I no longer required the wheelchair. Free to move walk around was liberating and made me reflect on what it would have been like that I been confined to the wheelchair for my entire life.

              I didn’t have much chance to dwell on my situation before Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. The incident gave me saved me from a possible depression by making think of the situation they are going through and how much better I was. Right before Katrina a song was released by Casting Crowns called “Praise you in the Storm.” Little did I know but another storm was headed on a collision course with my home town. Hurricane Wilma caused major devastation to our neighborhoold. Fallen trees, power lines, and and other debris lay around us. The “fun” part for us was being with power for 3 weeks, living off of grilled food and living by candlelight at night. It was around that candleligiht one night that my mom asked what university I wanted to attend. Gotta love those ultra cold showers too brrrrrrrrr.

              What I’ve been through has only made me stronger. That proved 100% true my parents and I decided with the success of the surgery on my right ankle that I should have surgery done on my right arm. My arm was an even bigger operation than my foot. My muscles near my elbow were very constricted and my right hand pointed down at a 90 degree angle. In April 2006 I had two surgeries performed to release the muscle around my elbow and to shift my hand into a more normal position. Recovering from these surgereis wasn’t as dramatic as my foot because I write left handed. It was still painful and sensitive though. I had to sleep on my back to prevent damaging my arm anymore than occurred during the surgery.

              Towards the end of the second surgery recovery on my arm I ran into a problem. In every surgery I had on my foot and both arms I was put on Percocet to ease the pain. However at the end of the second arm surgery I was becoming numb to the effects of the drug. Without consulting anyone I made a personal decision to completely stop taknig the drug rather than request a higher dosage and become addicted.

              Through all the challenges though one challenge remained which occurred this year. Laying on my back hooked up the EKG made me think what would happen after all I’ve been through and done that I actually could be having heart attack. Staring up at the ceiling and being forced to remain still as the nurse ran the EKG I thought about the things I’ve dreamnt of doing. Even some things I placed way back in my mind came back up. To make the situation worse after I had my X-Rays taken the Doctor came in and said we need to run the EKG on you AGAIN. Again are you kidding me. I can’t be allowing this stress get to me. There’s more to me than just allowing stress to beat me down. I’ve overcome A LOT and I’m still here living, walking, running, enjoying life. And to be beat by stress. I’m laying there on the bed not breathing well and that is when a light bulb went off. I’m laying here with two dreams, two desires that could change my life and the life of those around me. Dreams that could infuse hope, passion and desire into a group of people who need it. Laying there with the EKG hooked up to me for a second time I made a decision to not go for my dreams halfheartedly, not for the future, but for such a time as this.

The Time is NOW

Warning: The message you are about to read is lengthy, may cause unknown excitement, change of thought or confirmation, possible concern, or other circumstances

Rated E for Everyone

I could sit here and talk to you about Bush and the Wars. But that time is not now. I could tell you about Obama and the stimulus package or healthcare bill. But that time is not now either. I could sit here and continue to talk about about the past. But I choose not to. I could sit here and tell you about my future. But what good is that since it is a work in progress. I could sit here and tell you how bad the economy is but you already know how bad it is.

Being that I am entrepreneurial by nature I sit down and read a lot about the economy but something began to stir my spirit back in October. I began thinking very differently about how to approach my thoughts on business. I began focusing less time on what and how businesses were doing things and how I could do things. I began spending less and less time thinking about the future and thinking about what I can do NOW. I began to actively think of way to get started NOW. It is easy to get caught in the problems with the economy, problems with the current or past politics system, or just about any other negative outlook. I don't care if there is no funding available for small business. I'll start the process and see what becomes of it.

Having gone through 3 surgeries, one on my right ankle and two on my right arm in 2005-2006, I learned something. I could choose to stay in the state I was in and continue blindly down the path of ONLY being able to walk 30 minutes at time or I could get up and DO something NOW. After running in fear at age 19 away from doing the surgeries, at the age of 21 I came back to the same doctor, tail between my legs, saying I want to do the surgeries.

In this new year of 2010, I want to challenge you. I want to challenge you to think what I can do NOW to accomplish a dream, goal, or vision. I'm not guaranteeing it will be easy. If you were to ask me about my surgeries I absolutely hate wheelchairs after having to sit in one for 3 months straight. The pain I went through was the worst I've experienced. And to make matters worse I began weaning myself off of the pain killers during my last surgery because I was becoming addicted to them.  But I went through the pain and became a better man for it. It gave me a strength I never knew existed inside of me before.

Many people every year make a new year resolution and how many actually accomplish the resolution at the end of the year. I would say very few. As 2009 ended for me, and 2010 began I was amazed by how many friends of mine suddenly came rushing to me interested in various things I've been working on, interested in being a part of a business that I am opening this year. People seem desperate for change but somehow struggle with the commitment change requires.

This year don't be a talker of your resolution only. Be a doer. Go out and accomplish it. It is hard work. You'll run into difficult, get discouraged, feel unmotivated. BUT if you continue you will reap that reward of success, whether that is publicly or privately. You will be stronger for it. You can sit and write all the plans you want to, but if you do not do anything NOW to accomplish the plan there is a possibility that plan may shrivel and die.

Surround yourself with people who will actually help and encourage you as you pursue your dream, goal or dreams. Be careful though who you allow to associate your dream with. I've received the 'I'm too young talk' a bit. Funny thing is I don't hear those people criticizing Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, or Mark Zuckerberg for starting Microsoft, Apple, and Facebook respectively. All three started their companies in their twenties.

I've done the talking thing for years, I've also done the doing thing in various aspects of my life. I tend to look back on the aspects I did than the aspects I talked about.

So question is what have you done today?